John Lazarus

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COUSIN MORTY’S QUESTION

On my 11th birthday – the day before Christmas, 1958 – my cousin Morty, also 11 at the time, asked me a question which has remained with me all my life. 

We were in Radio City Music Hall, on a family vacation: a week in New York City at Christmastime. We were walking up the aisle after the show, which had featured the Rockettes, the Music Hall’s legendary precision dance company, famous for their long legs and uniform high kicking. Morty was gushing over them.

I said I found them cheesy. I have since apologized to Morty for what I said next, and I now apologize to you, gentle reader, but hey, I was 11. I had been in a couple of school plays, so I added – to my lifelong embarrassment – “I happen to know a lot about theatre, and I say the Rockettes are crap.”

Morty stopped in the aisle and said, “What good is knowing a lot about theatre if it means you can’t enjoy the Rockettes?”

This has become known to generations of my drama students as Cousin Morty’s Question. I have quoted it whenever they’ve brought the issue up first – and they have, frequently, framing it in different ways, for it’s something students worry about. As they start learning more about how theatre is made, their theatre-going experience changes. Instead of simply immersing themselves in the story, they begin to analyze the play’s plot structure and style of dialogue, observe the actors’ techniques, look at the sets and costumes with a more critical eye, and so on. And they fear that their increased knowledge about how it all works may corrupt their simple pleasure in the entertainment.

My optimistic response is that if you actually do know more about how it’s done, then there’s more for you to enjoy. In her book Insecurity: Perils and Products of Theatres of the Real (University of Toronto Press, 2019), my friend Jenn Stephenson, citing Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s famous phrase “the willing suspension of disbelief,” writes: “Coleridge asserts that the audience always retains cognitive possession of their former perceptions as well. Both actual and fictional phenomena are held in balance through a kind of binocular vision.”

We all have that double vision. Anyone over the age of three understands that the actors are playing make-believe; and the experience of watching a play or movie, or of reading prose fiction, is the experience of flickering back and forth between immersing ourselves in the story and enjoying how well the artists are doing their jobs.

Or even how badly. One of the pleasures of being educated is that you can enjoy the crap too. The American essayist and playwright Jean Kerr was married to New York Times theatre critic Walter Kerr. She once wrote that the difference between a critic and a person is that the critic sits in the audience thinking, “This is a very bad play. Why is that?” while the person next to him thinks, “This is a very bad play. Why was I born?”

In fact, the difference in response between someone who is educated in the art form, and someone who is not, isn’t usually that huge a gap. After all, in Jean Kerr’s example, both the critic and his human date agree that it’s a very bad play. Or, of course, two people, educated or not, might disagree on whether the play is any good: as has been said as long ago as in Ancient Rome, there’s no arguing about taste.

The difference between the educated and less-educated art consumer often lies more in their different understandings of why they feel as they do. A person who enjoys an art form but is not well versed in it – for example, me, attending a symphony concert – might come away thinking, “That didn’t work for me, for some reason,” while the expert concertgoer thinks, “The attacks were a bit sloppy and the bassoons weren’t quite in tune.”

Also, it’s students, just starting out, who are most distracted by their new perspective. After you’ve been in the business for a while, you can relax your critical faculties and allow yourself more of the simple pleasure of enjoying the entertainment, perhaps as you did as a child – at least if you weren’t a child like snobbish little me at Radio City Music Hall. I admit that I secretly liked the Rockettes more than I let on, and I’d love to go back now and watch them again, ideally with Cousin Morty by my side.

[This blog has been published with the permission of Dr. Jenn Stephenson of Kingston and Cousin Morty himself, now Dr. Morton B. Caplan of Toronto.]

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“HE’S SAFE!” “HE’S OUT!”

I am twelve. I’m in a softball game at my summer camp. I’m playing outfield, because that’s where they put the weakest players, on the very sound premise that the opposing team will seldom hit the ball hard enough for it to get to the outfield where we crappy players can fumble it.

A batter on the opposing team hits the ball, the pitcher catches it off a bounce and throws it to the catcher – these guys are, after all, among the better players – and a kid on the opposing team, who was on third base, slides into home plate just as he is tagged by the catcher. The umpire, one of the teenage camp counsellors, calls it: “He’s out!” Immediately, every kid on the opposing team starts yelling, “He’s safe! He’s safe!” And an instant later, every kid on our team, except me, starts yelling, “He’s out! He’s out!”

It was a close call, and from my position I couldn’t see whether the runner hit the plate first or the catcher tagged him first. But my fellow outfielder, who couldn’t see it any more clearly than I, nevertheless joins loyally in the indignant chorus of “He’s out! He’s out!” He even throws a dirty look in my direction for not taking part as a team player should. But I’m too busy standing there open-mouthed at how blatant it is that nobody on either team gives a crap about what actually happened.

We kids look up to the counsellor who is umpiring, as a grownup. So I’m waiting for him to make a lesson out of this, by pointing out that none of us cares about the facts, and we’re all merely yelling as loudly as possible for our own teams.

But he doesn’t. To my further surprise, he seems to take it in stride that, with the possible exception of the runner, the catcher, and any other kids close enough to see the tag, we’re all just hollering. He seems not even to notice the weirdness of this. Why, he seems to think that this is how the world operates! Because all he says is, “He’s out! Batter up! Let’s go, guys!” And the game continues.

And the game continues. We see it with Poilievre and Trudeau. We see it with Trump and Biden. We see it with – okay, wait, I’m going to do some rewriting now. I started this blog before the outbreak of the Israel / Hamas war, and I don’t want to get into citing more specific wars, conflicts, and personal animosities among politicians, because, you know, where do you stop?

However, please notice that I do mention both sides. That’s because I don’t want to fall into that trap myself. I would really like to just blame the other guys, and write, “We see it with Poilievre, we see it with Trump – ” But that would be me hollering, “He’s out, he’s out!” So I’ll allow that even such fair dealers as Trudeau and Biden sometimes come down chauvinistically on their own sides, regardless of the facts.

You will agree, I hope, that Trump trumps them all. That’s what he has instead of a moral compass: whoever enriches or empowers him is one of the good guys, and whoever criticizes him or stands in his way is a bad guy. As we all know about him, facts do not matter a whit, and he’s too stupid to try to hide what he’s doing. So he does us the favour of showing us what this kind of self-interest looks like at its most naked.

But we all do it, to a greater or lesser degree. We’re a tribal species, and we root for our tribe. It’s one of the ways we learned to survive, prehistorically. I do it too. It bothers me to admit that Trudeau has been disappointing, or that Obama is at heart a capitalist, and more conservative than I would have liked.

It even irked me a little to learn that during his presidency, George W. Bush did at least one truly magnificent thing: he launched the U.S. President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, a governmental initiative to address the global epidemic, which, as of this year, has helped save over 25 million lives, mostly in Africa.

And how about you? Doesn’t it bug you a tiny bit that George W. Bush has helped save over 25 million lives? Wouldn’t you rather just keep shouting, “He’s out, he’s out”? I know I would.


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Somewhere, a Genius Just Got Born

While starting to write this first blog, I realized that if current trends hold, these blogs will inevitably include reports on the deaths of people who matter to me, our community, and/or the world. So to counterbalance the eulogies to come – and in a spirit of optimism and fresh beginnings, as we launch this website – I’ll start with some excellent news: somewhere, one of the world’s greatest geniuses has recently been born. 

Yes, somebody who will make an enormous difference to us all is pooping in a nappy at this very moment. Sorry, can’t tell you who it is, or where – or their gender, culture, ethnicity or socioeconomic background. I don’t know the nature of their great deeds to come. I just know that there is a great savior out there whose chief concern at the moment is to get as much milk as possible out of the nipple in its mouth. 

Mark Twain put this, as he put so many things, better than I: “Among the three or four million cradles now rocking in the land are some which this nation would preserve for ages as sacred things, if we could know which ones they are.” As he spoke, at a banquet in Chicago in November, 1879, some of the cradles rocking in his land contained the diapered little forms of actor Ethel Barrymore, labour leader Joe Hill, comedian Will Rogers, birth-control advocate Margaret Sanger, poet Wallace Stevens, Dr. Bob Smith, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous – and Nancy Langhorne, who, as naturalized Englishwoman Nancy Astor, became the first female MP in the British House of Commons. (She was also a notorious anti-Semite and Nazi sympathizer. Not all the valuable cradles contained nice people.)

In other lands slept months-old infants Thomas Beecham, Wanda Landowska, Ottorino Respighi – good year for musicians, 1879! – Edward Steichen, Leon Trotsky and Emiliano Zapata – and in Germany, watched over by his loving parents Hermann and Pauline Einstein, there slumbered a little squirt they had named Albert. 

In our own land, probably the most preservation-worthy cradles contained (this seems so Canadian) novelist and early Canuck playwright (yay) Mazo de la Roche, and Cluny Macpherson, inventor of the gas mask (also yay).

The great person presently sleeping in a 2023 cradle might become world-renowned, or might spend their life in obscurity despite their noble deeds. They could be one of the Lamed Vav. “Lamed vav” (law-mid vawv) is Hebrew for “36,” and refers to a delightful Jewish tradition that at any moment there are 36 individual people on the planet who are so righteous that their existence prevents God from blowing the whole thing up in frustration with the rest of us. 

In some traditions, the Lamed Vav are all Jews, and in some, they need not be; in any case, they need not be famous: both conditions are statistically unlikely. They might never become as renowned as Albert Einstein, Leon Trotsky or Cluny Macpherson. We’ll never know who they are, and their virtue may not be evident to the rest of us. The guy who cut you off in traffic or the young barista who was rude to you might be one of the Lamed Vav, so treat them accordingly. Also (I love this), they don’t know who they are – the only hint is that if you think you’re one of them, you’re not – so you might be one, so for God’s sake don’t screw this up! 

When I was a boy, attending my first funeral, it occurred to me that when a baby is born, everybody’s happy about its future possibilities, but of course we don’t know what those are. But when an old person dies, we know what they’ve done, what they were like, and how we feel about them. Therefore we can never be as happy at the birth of a new baby as we are sad at the death of a familiar loved one. Therefore, life is essentially tragic. I was a sensitive lad. 

I now disagree with my younger self. Of course it always remains true that we mourn the loss of our loved ones. But I’ve changed my mind regarding how to feel about the potentiality inherent in a squalling little human fried tomato in a hospital or a slum or a mansion or an igloo or a farm or a refugee camp somewhere. That potentiality is infinite.