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HOW TO CANCEL A PLAY:OPEN LETTERS, CLOSED MINDS

By now you may be fed up with the controversy over Christopher Morris’ play The Runner. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Morris himself were pretty tired of it all. But it’s an important issue – a valuable Canadian play is under attack here – so I hope to add one more bit of info to the discussion: a look at the two open letters written by those who campaigned successfully to cancel two planned productions of the play.

It’s too late to do anything about those cancellations now, but it might be of interest, or of use, to look at how those letters misinterpreted the play and helped censor a valuable work of art. The play itself is too strong to be defeated by these two cancellations: further productions are slated for the future, in other venues. But those letters remain on the public record, and deserve to be refuted.

First, if you’re not acquainted with the story, here’s the background info. If you’re my Facebook friend, some of this will look familiar. And although at the suggestion of website designer Claire Grady-Smith, I’ve been limiting myself to around 750 words per blog, this one is considerably longer. I think the topic deserves it.

Facts About The Runner: The Runner is a 2018 play for one actor, written by Canadian Christopher Morris, who himself is not an Israeli, a Palestinian, an Arab or a Jew, but did spend many months in Israel and the Occupied Territories researching his subject. The play tells the story of Jacob, an Israeli Orthodox Jew whose job, as an employee of the non-governmental organization Z.A.K.A., is to gather up the body parts of dead Jews, but who pauses in his work to help a wounded Palestinian teenage girl, and gets into trouble for his decision.

Lin and I saw The Runner at the Thousand Islands Playhouse in Gananoque, Ont., in November, and have now purchased a copy and read it. Since then, groups which identify as supporting the Palestinian cause have campaigned successfully to cancel productions of the play at Victoria’s Belfry Theatre and Vancouver’s PuSh Festival. Reportedly, there were a number of factors contributing to these cancellations – the PuSh Festival hung on until Palestinian artist Basel Zaraa threatened to withdraw his installation from the Festival if they did not cancel The Runner – but the open letters certainly paved the way and set the tone.

My Position on Israel and Gaza: I’m what we call a secular Jew: one who does not believe in the religion, but identifies as Jewish in terms of my culture and ethnicity. Born in 1947, the same year as the State of Israel, I grew up believing that we Jews had one moral edge on most non-Jewish peoples: we had never oppressed, or made war on, any other people. I also believed that the post-Holocaust slogan “Never again” applied to all people: that we Jews would be vigilant in making sure not only that such oppression never happened again to us, but never happened to anyone.

However, subsequent events in and around Israel have indicated that, now that we’ve had our own country, our own military, and a couple of generations in which to get used to the idea, we can prove ourselves to be not all that different from the goyim after all. (“Goyim,” popularly – and not disrespectfully – used to mean “non-Jews,” is actually a Hebrew word meaning “nations.” Originally, they were different from us because, before 1947, we were not a nation.)

So, watching recent footage of both Hamas fanatics joyfully killing Jews, and Israeli soldiers who, astonishingly to me, behave no better than soldiers everywhere else – i.e., harassing and beating peaceful Palestinians, even before October 7 – I despair at both Hamas and the current Israeli government and military. My position is not pro- or anti- Israel or Palestine; it is pro-peace and anti-war. In my ideal world, the warmongers from both sides would be given a remote island and all the weapons they want, and sent off to play together until they’re all dead, leaving the peace-loving Israelis and Palestinians to get on with their lives.

It’s ironic that I find myself in opposition to people who purport to represent the Palestinian cause. Please understand that I dispute them, not as a Jewish anti-Palestinian Zionist, which I’m not, but as a playwright interested in free expression and honest criticism. And, of course, it’s a given that the horrific events of this war greatly overshadow the importance of a controversy over a Canadian play. But Canadian plays matter to me, and these letters make me angry, so here we go.

My Position on The Runner: I love it. I think it’s a beautiful work: an eloquent cry for peace and understanding. The Israeli hero (and only onstage character), Jacob, makes a decision which pits himself against the values of his family and co-workers. The play is, like the conflict itself, nuanced and complicated, and if it comes down on one side or another, it is arguably more pro-Palestinian than pro-Israeli, as the hero’s moment of compassion opens his eyes to the attitudes of his associates.

The Open Letters: The first letter was read aloud at a couple of open-house meetings with the Belfry Theatre in December, after which the Belfry cancelled their production. (The theatre was also vandalized.) The second letter was sent to the PuSh Festival, late in December or early in January.

Both letters are anonymous, in that neither letter is attributed specifically to any one person or group of people as its author or authors. However, the PuSh letter is signed (electronically, on line) by at least 388 people, last time I looked. The authors write, “We spent a great deal of time engaging with the work directly, from a thorough reading of the script to extensive conversations,” but also boast that “376 signatures (and counting) were collected in just over 24 hours.” If anyone can send me signed affidavits, or other proof, that all the 388 signatories actually saw or read The Runner even once – let alone spent time on thorough readings and extensive conversations – I will send you $388.00 of my own money. (Of course, even if they had all seen or read it, cancelling the production would still have been an inappropriate response, as I will argue below. But they might have had a little more credibility – or, I strongly suspect, fewer of them would have signed.)

These letters have had an emotional impact on me. In my youth, in the 1970s, I briefly belonged to a couple of groups of Vancouver socialists, some of whose rhetoric I soon came to perceive as extremist, inflammatory, ideologically bound and not particularly interested in the truth, so – though I’ve continued to identify as a leftist – I quit those groups. My memories of those days have been “triggered,” as they say, by reading these two letters.

They have much in common with the writings of those 1970s zealots, including tendencies
to stretch, shrink, or just plain ignore the truth; to go on at length about issues only marginally relevant to the discussion at hand; to criticize the object of their criticism for not saying or doing things that it was never intended to say or do; and to split microscopic hairs – all delivered with (in my opinion) an aggrieved, superior tone, and the implied assumption that nobody else truly understands the issues and the letter-writers alone are operating from a position of moral integrity, while those who disagree with them are dishonest and self-serving, or, at best, kidding themselves.

(The two letters also contain similarities to each other, which is fair enough, as the authors of the PuSh letter acknowledge that “some of the content of this letter is in fact borrowed, with consent, from the work of our cultural and political comrades in Victoria whose thoughtful and diligent labour resulted in the Belfry’s decision [to cancel the production].”)

So, now, point by point – and please note that for the most part, examples that I cite here of the letter’s flaws are selected from larger numbers of potential examples:

The letters contain outright misstatements and distortions of the truth. The PuSh letter claims that “we are … experiencing a virulent chilling of public discourse on Palestine, and erasure of the catastrophic facts on the ground from public record.” There is little or no evidence of this. A few days before writing this blog, I attended a screening of the American documentary Israelism, which chronicles in detail the oppression of Palestinians by Israeli soldiers, the attempts by many Jews to expose this oppression, and the unsuccessful attempts by other Jews to suppress that exposure. The film is being watched at multiple screenings all over the world. And the CBC National News and other reputable news outlets offer regular, extensive and balanced coverage of the war and the history behind it.

Ironically, the PuSh letter continues: “countless educators and artists around the world and here on Turtle Island are being reprimanded and/or removed from their positions for voicing criticism and concern. Numerous cultural and educational events in support of Palestine have been cancelled due to venues and presenters fearing and receiving backlash.” This, in a letter calling for the cancellation of a cultural event for voicing criticism and concern – and succeeding due to venues and presenters fearing and receiving backlash.

The Belfry letter states flatly that “Morris gives no indication that he ever sought out a single Palestinian over 9 years of work.” False. In the acknowledgements included in the published version of his play, he thanks, among others, Robert Massoud, Palestinian-Canadian entrepreneur and author of Advocating for Palestine in Canada. The inclusion of Massoud’s name alone gives the lie to this allegation, but in fact, in the course of writing the play, Morris made over 20 trips into the Occupied Territories, where he spoke with a great many Palestinians, including a Fatah terrorist who had just been released from prison for murder and (on two occasions) the Al-Akhras family, whose 16-year-old daughter had blown herself up in Jerusalem. This is not mentioned in the published play, but really, all the letter-writers had to do was ask.

The letters criticize the play for allegedly saying things that, in fact, it does not say. The Belfry letter claims that “several of the violent acts by the Arab characters are described in detail (such as the gratuitous stabbing scene).” The “gratuitous stabbing scene” does not exist. On the contrary, Jacob says, “I don’t know, it was never proven, they couldn’t prove it, I don’t know if she stabbed that soldier” – to make the point that her subsequent incarceration by the Israeli authorities may have been unjust.

The Belfry letter also accuses the play of not saying things that, in fact, it says. It complains that the play “neglects to critique Zionism and its inherent overarching violence,” and that “the whole context of a brutal decades-long occupation is left out of the narrative.” If this were true, it might go under my category of their complaints that this is not the play they think he should have written; but it is false. For one example, one passage in the play reads, in part, “It’s not normal to live like this… Nobody wants us here, all this violence, all the humiliation we inflict to carve out this tiny strip of land, to push back all of our neighbours who want to annihilate us, it’s not normal.” Another passage in the play reads, “Z.A.K.A.’s official line is that they collect the remains of terrorists to give them back to their families, but we don’t give them back to their families we give them to the Israeli authorities to be buried in shallow graves with no religious rites, no dignity, to be dug up later and used as barter in exchanges like these – it’s inhumane what we’re doing, it’s not Jewish!”

The letters contain historical and current details which, however compelling, are irrelevant to the question of whether to produce the play. This is an old trick. Much ink is spent on admittedly heartbreaking facts of the oppression of the Palestinian people by Israeli governments and military leaderships. These facts may understandably feed the anger felt by the authors and signatories of the letters, but they are not Christopher Morris’ fault, and have little to do with whether the play should be seen, except insofar as the play condemns such deeds.

Both letters also, rather oddly, invite us to imagine Canadian and South African plays which would depict the experiences of indigenous people in those countries from the points of view of the white settlers. Some such plays do exist – Wendy Lill’s The Occupation of Heather Rose, an acclaimed Canadian play about a white nurse living among First Nations people, comes to mind – but the letter-writers describe their made-up examples as committing the multiple sins of which they accuse The Runner, and then ask if we can imagine such plays being produced. No, I can’t. But nor can I imagine a version of The Runner being produced if it actually did commit the sins of which they accuse it.

The letters criticize the artist for not creating some other artwork which the critics would have preferred. This is another common critical fallacy: both letters wish he had written a different play, and criticize him for not doing so.

Z.A.K.A., the organization that protagonist Jacob works for, gathering the body parts of dead Israelis, is accused in the PuSh letter of having a “central role in propagating…disinformation” about alleged atrocities committed against children by Palestinian soldiers during this war. And, in fact, Z.A.K.A. leaders have acknowledged that individual errors have sometimes been made. The letter-writers seem to think that therefore Morris was under some obligation to include those false allegations in his play so that Z.A.K.A. would look even more compromised than they do. But of course he wrote the play in 2018, some years before the war began, and even Morris can’t predict the future.

The PuSh letter protests the omission of other stuff that Morris has not written: “no mentions of missile strikes, chemical weapons, indefinite imprisonment or the use of torture… The context of a brutal decades-long occupation is completely left out…There is no mention of the brutal events which enabled the founding of the state of Israel,” etc. No, that’s quite true: this hour-long play does not spend an extra hour on a lecture covering the last 77 years of Israeli-Palestinian history. The only possible response to this complaint is to invite the letter-writers to write their own play.

The letters split some very tiny hairs. Given that so many of the signatories identify themselves as artists, writers and theatre creators, it is surprising to find them making so many mistakes common to people who don’t read enough fiction – including seeming, or pretending, to think that every opinion expressed by every character in the play is a directly expressed opinion of the author. But the play is about the traumatic education of an Israeli who, raised in ignorance and mistrust of Palestinians, comes to understand that they are human too; so it shows us the racist attitudes he starts out with, in order to show us the change that comes over him.

It is true that, as the letters complain, the word “Arab” is used repeatedly and the word “Palestinian” only once. That’s the point. This is a bewildered young man brought up in a world with no meaningful contact with Palestinians. In a moving passage describing his confused, mixed feelings, Jacob repeats opinions he has learned from his community, mingled with his own evolving beliefs: “I don’t dislike Arabs… I just don’t know any outside of work, okay I won’t say ‘Arabs,’ Arabs, Arabs, they’re Arabs I can’t won’t call them Palestinians, they’re stateless they don’t have a country, it’s not bad to call them Arabs, they’re ‘Arabs’ – okay okay okay I won’t say it, I won’t call them that anymore, I won’t. I won’t do it. I won’t do it.” Yes, this is contradictory (and, deliberately, ungrammatical). It is the desperate mental churning of a confused, traumatized, disoriented young man living in a nightmare. (By the way, I agree with the letter-writers that the correct term would be “Palestinian girl,” but the name of the character in the play is “the Arab girl,” so in this blog I’m going with that.)

Both letters complain that the Palestinian characters do not get to speak much, do not have names, and are less fully fleshed-out than the Israeli characters. Yes, and the Israeli characters are less fleshed-out than Jacob. Some Israelis do get to speak a bit, but those are Jacob’s relatives and co-workers, while the Palestinians are strangers to him: again, that’s the point. So it’s true that some characters are less fully fleshed-out than others. I can’t think of a play in which that’s not the case. Francisco, a soldier who appears in the first minutes of Hamlet and then exits, never to be seen again, is less fleshed-out than Prince Hamlet. That’s show biz.

The Belfry letter, in its shaky analogy to their imaginary play set in South Africa, describes the indigenous characters as “described in lascivious terms that exoticize and Other them.” The PuSh letter complains that “the work is rife with astonishing Orientalization, sexualization and othering of Palestinians.” “Orientalization” means the frequently erotic stereotyping of “exotic” Easterners (of all kinds, including middle-Eastern Jews) by Europeans in the 19th century, and simply doesn’t apply here. “Othering” may make some kind of sense, but only in that the language and culture of the Palestinians is foreign to Jacob himself. It is true that the Arab girl does not have a name, but that’s because Jacob never gets to find out her name. One more time: that’s the point. But there are also pages of text in the play describing his feelings of deep compassion for this suffering fellow-human.

And “sexualization”? Okay, let’s go there: in reference to the Arab girl, the Belfry letter remarks that “the sexualizing… of Palestinians is astonishing.” Yes, it is, because it exists only in the minds of the letter-writers. In fact, Jacob is gay. At one point in the play he goes clubbing in Tel Aviv and gets involved in all-male (and, presumably, all-Jewish) group sex. There is not a syllable in this play that suggests that he has any sexual interest in any women whatsoever, including the Arab girl.

The PuSh letter does acknowledge a scene where the Arab girl shows kindness to Jacob, when he goes to find her, months after the incident. That scene is made all the more theatrically powerful by its brevity and uniqueness, but the letter-writers don’t get that: they’re too busy counting the number of words the characters speak, to make the point that the Arab girl speaks only a few. But those few words are very telling. Jacob has fallen to his knees, weeping, at seeing her alive, healthy, and fully human. Seeing his tears, and not recognizing him as the man who saved her life – seeing only that he is a Jew, her enemy – she nevertheless puts her hand on his shoulder and says, “Are you all right?” Reflecting on this later, he says, “Her hand on my shoulder. Are you all right. That’s all that matters. Kindness. An act of kindness.”

But the writers of both letters are instead preoccupied with counting up and comparing their tallies of repetitions of words, as if the more frequently a word is spoken, the more important that word becomes in the text. If that were the case, the word “the” would leap out at us from the stage with ferocious emotional power.

Sometimes the parsing simply defies truth and logic: “The protagonist is questioned for saving her life. His only justification is ‘we swore an oath to do no harm.’ It is notable that her life is framed in this way, and not because of any inherent value she may have as a human being.” Firstly, the quote is taken out of context: what Jacob actually says is, “The only thing that came to mind…was that we swore an oath,” etc. Secondly, earlier in the play, he says, “What was I supposed to do? She was a person, a teenager, a girl.” The letter-writers seem to be complaining that Jacob is not a calm, even-handed historical authority. Well, he’s not. Again: he’s a young guy in a nightmare, whose values have been turned upside-down, and he’s desperately trying to sort it all out.

If you’re still with me, thank you for hanging in, and you’ll be glad to know that I’m about to wrap up. Writing this blog has been difficult. As you can tell, I’ve found myself getting angry. I may have fallen into a couple of the traps of which I accuse the letter-writers: getting excessively punctilious and picking apart sentences and phrases point by point. But I hope I’ve avoided twisting the truth.

However, allow me one more point: let’s pretend, for a moment, that every accusation made in these letters is accurate. If Christopher Morris’s play were truly guilty of the offenses of which it accused, then his punishment should have been the traditional punishment meted out to bad plays: negative reviews, small houses, and few, or zero, future productions – not because of political pressure, but because nobody’d want to see it. (For the record, it has received several productions so far – with rave reviews and large, enthusiastic audiences – and several awards, including the 2019 Dora Mavor Moore Award for Outstanding New Play.)

God knows, I’ve seen and read plenty of material that I’ve found offensive and/or that has contradicted my political and moral beliefs. My reaction has been to write and talk about them more. In fact, that’s what I’m doing right now, as a reaction to these letters. My response to being offended by them is not to demand that they be suppressed; it is to expose them even more fully, so that you can make up your own mind.

So: here are the links to the two letters, and to the publisher of The Runner, who will be happy to sell you your own copy. (The fact that that publisher is J. Gordon Shillingford, who have also put out my new book, is a coincidence. Or maybe not: maybe it’s just that Shillingford enjoys publishing sane writing by grown-up Canadians.)

So don’t take my word for it. Read these documents yourself. Make up your own mind – as we’re all supposed to be able to do in a free and enlightened society. And thanks again for reading this.

*****

Letter to the Belfry Theatre: https://sumud1948.substack.com/p/letter-to-the-belfry-on-december?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=post_embed&utm_medium=web

Letter to the PuSh Festival: https://bcartists4pal.substack.com/p/e27ae58f-059b-48be-957d-00b44d0e93b3

The Runner, by Christopher Morris: https://www.jgshillingford.com/product/the-runner/

*****

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OLD PEOPLE ARE SO BIGOTED

We went to see a new play, written by a young woman and featuring a mostly-young cast, plus two actor friends of ours in their 80s. One is a long-time hippie who has enjoyed an adventurous personal life, and the other is a lesbian and anti-racism activist. They are also both notably physically fit, for a pair of octogenarians. However, in the play, they had to hobble about (she, on a walker) as conservative grandparents, baffled and horrified by their grandson’s coming out as gay. You know: old people.

We attended an evening of standup comedy by performers who were all under 35. We two were the oldest people in the room by a couple of decades. It was a celebration of diversity: multiple genders, orientations, ethnicities and physical abilities. They had all come together to laugh; to celebrate their differences and similarities; and to make fun of their elders. From these intelligent, educated, progressive young talents, firmly opposed to prejudice of all kinds, the hits just kept on coming: ancient geezers wanting to have sex with young women, crabby crones not wanting anybody to have sex with anybody, and senior citizens of all genders displaying hilarious ineptitude with these darn newfangled computin’ machines. You know: old people.

I’m not angry. I’m mildly annoyed, amused, and puzzled. Compared to most people, I have nothing to complain about. I’m a member of the most privileged demographic in our society: straight, old, white, male, and with enough money to get by on. I don’t have to worry about getting shot by a cop for being a young African-American, or getting raped for being a woman, or getting beaten up for being gay – etcetera. The offenses I experience are tiny annoyances, fashionably called “micro-aggressions.” But what those micro-aggressions do bring to the table is irony.

Sorry to hammer away at this, but I have met people who simply don’t get it, so, just in case, one more time: these are sexually and ethnically diverse artists – fiercely opposed to making assumptions about people’s character based on their age, orientation and/or ethnicity – except for the assumption that old, straight, white people make assumptions about the character of people based on their age, sexual orientation and/or ethnicity.

We do seem to be the one demographic category that it’s still considered okay to mock. As you’d expect, Facebook in particular seems a hotbed of jokes and cartoons about old people: our alleged stupidity, hearing loss, unattractiveness, sexual impotence, and cluelessness about today’s world. Besides the jokes, there are also plenty of concerned, indignant anecdotes about grandfathers who don’t respect the bodily autonomy of their grandchildren, or elders of both genders who, like the characters in that play, can’t deal with young people’s queerness.

There are games offered on line, in which you’re given an imaginary mental age of 80, 90, or 100, and with every correct answer you enter, you get smarter – i.e., your mental age goes down, thank God, to the age level where people are still fairly intelligent, before the inevitable dementia sets in. If you get a perfect score, do you attain the I.Q. of an embryo? And by the way, can you imagine the public response to an online game in which you start out as a character of colour, and get whiter, i.e., smarter, with every correct answer?

As I write this, I’m troubled by the sense that I’m an overprivileged citizen who’s trying to jump on the bandwagon of aggrieved minorities. And I should add that of course there are real live old people who actually are like those mocked at that evening of standup. God knows, I’ve spent enough time at dinner parties listening to old folks my age complaining about Kids Today. Sometimes I want to say to them, “Did you actually smoke so much weed that you don’t remember?”

And yes, there are grandparents who are homophobic, and old women who do disapprove of sexual fun, and old men who don’t understand boundaries. I recently spent some time in a local hospital, where the 83-year-old guy in the next bed kept graphically complimenting the nurses on their bodies. In response to one young woman’s expert remonstrance, he said merely, “I’m a bad boy.” I later said to her, “You handled that very well,” and she said, “Plenty of practice.” So, okay. There are always people in any demographic who are willing to live down to their stereotypes. But that doesn’t justify reinforcing the stereotype, dammit! Or am I just being an old curmudgeon about this?

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COUSIN MORTY’S QUESTION

On my 11th birthday – the day before Christmas, 1958 – my cousin Morty, also 11 at the time, asked me a question which has remained with me all my life. 

We were in Radio City Music Hall, on a family vacation: a week in New York City at Christmastime. We were walking up the aisle after the show, which had featured the Rockettes, the Music Hall’s legendary precision dance company, famous for their long legs and uniform high kicking. Morty was gushing over them.

I said I found them cheesy. I have since apologized to Morty for what I said next, and I now apologize to you, gentle reader, but hey, I was 11. I had been in a couple of school plays, so I added – to my lifelong embarrassment – “I happen to know a lot about theatre, and I say the Rockettes are crap.”

Morty stopped in the aisle and said, “What good is knowing a lot about theatre if it means you can’t enjoy the Rockettes?”

This has become known to generations of my drama students as Cousin Morty’s Question. I have quoted it whenever they’ve brought the issue up first – and they have, frequently, framing it in different ways, for it’s something students worry about. As they start learning more about how theatre is made, their theatre-going experience changes. Instead of simply immersing themselves in the story, they begin to analyze the play’s plot structure and style of dialogue, observe the actors’ techniques, look at the sets and costumes with a more critical eye, and so on. And they fear that their increased knowledge about how it all works may corrupt their simple pleasure in the entertainment.

My optimistic response is that if you actually do know more about how it’s done, then there’s more for you to enjoy. In her book Insecurity: Perils and Products of Theatres of the Real (University of Toronto Press, 2019), my friend Jenn Stephenson, citing Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s famous phrase “the willing suspension of disbelief,” writes: “Coleridge asserts that the audience always retains cognitive possession of their former perceptions as well. Both actual and fictional phenomena are held in balance through a kind of binocular vision.”

We all have that double vision. Anyone over the age of three understands that the actors are playing make-believe; and the experience of watching a play or movie, or of reading prose fiction, is the experience of flickering back and forth between immersing ourselves in the story and enjoying how well the artists are doing their jobs.

Or even how badly. One of the pleasures of being educated is that you can enjoy the crap too. The American essayist and playwright Jean Kerr was married to New York Times theatre critic Walter Kerr. She once wrote that the difference between a critic and a person is that the critic sits in the audience thinking, “This is a very bad play. Why is that?” while the person next to him thinks, “This is a very bad play. Why was I born?”

In fact, the difference in response between someone who is educated in the art form, and someone who is not, isn’t usually that huge a gap. After all, in Jean Kerr’s example, both the critic and his human date agree that it’s a very bad play. Or, of course, two people, educated or not, might disagree on whether the play is any good: as has been said as long ago as in Ancient Rome, there’s no arguing about taste.

The difference between the educated and less-educated art consumer often lies more in their different understandings of why they feel as they do. A person who enjoys an art form but is not well versed in it – for example, me, attending a symphony concert – might come away thinking, “That didn’t work for me, for some reason,” while the expert concertgoer thinks, “The attacks were a bit sloppy and the bassoons weren’t quite in tune.”

Also, it’s students, just starting out, who are most distracted by their new perspective. After you’ve been in the business for a while, you can relax your critical faculties and allow yourself more of the simple pleasure of enjoying the entertainment, perhaps as you did as a child – at least if you weren’t a child like snobbish little me at Radio City Music Hall. I admit that I secretly liked the Rockettes more than I let on, and I’d love to go back now and watch them again, ideally with Cousin Morty by my side.

[This blog has been published with the permission of Dr. Jenn Stephenson of Kingston and Cousin Morty himself, now Dr. Morton B. Caplan of Toronto.]

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“HE’S SAFE!” “HE’S OUT!”

I am twelve. I’m in a softball game at my summer camp. I’m playing outfield, because that’s where they put the weakest players, on the very sound premise that the opposing team will seldom hit the ball hard enough for it to get to the outfield where we crappy players can fumble it.

A batter on the opposing team hits the ball, the pitcher catches it off a bounce and throws it to the catcher – these guys are, after all, among the better players – and a kid on the opposing team, who was on third base, slides into home plate just as he is tagged by the catcher. The umpire, one of the teenage camp counsellors, calls it: “He’s out!” Immediately, every kid on the opposing team starts yelling, “He’s safe! He’s safe!” And an instant later, every kid on our team, except me, starts yelling, “He’s out! He’s out!”

It was a close call, and from my position I couldn’t see whether the runner hit the plate first or the catcher tagged him first. But my fellow outfielder, who couldn’t see it any more clearly than I, nevertheless joins loyally in the indignant chorus of “He’s out! He’s out!” He even throws a dirty look in my direction for not taking part as a team player should. But I’m too busy standing there open-mouthed at how blatant it is that nobody on either team gives a crap about what actually happened.

We kids look up to the counsellor who is umpiring, as a grownup. So I’m waiting for him to make a lesson out of this, by pointing out that none of us cares about the facts, and we’re all merely yelling as loudly as possible for our own teams.

But he doesn’t. To my further surprise, he seems to take it in stride that, with the possible exception of the runner, the catcher, and any other kids close enough to see the tag, we’re all just hollering. He seems not even to notice the weirdness of this. Why, he seems to think that this is how the world operates! Because all he says is, “He’s out! Batter up! Let’s go, guys!” And the game continues.

And the game continues. We see it with Poilievre and Trudeau. We see it with Trump and Biden. We see it with – okay, wait, I’m going to do some rewriting now. I started this blog before the outbreak of the Israel / Hamas war, and I don’t want to get into citing more specific wars, conflicts, and personal animosities among politicians, because, you know, where do you stop?

However, please notice that I do mention both sides. That’s because I don’t want to fall into that trap myself. I would really like to just blame the other guys, and write, “We see it with Poilievre, we see it with Trump – ” But that would be me hollering, “He’s out, he’s out!” So I’ll allow that even such fair dealers as Trudeau and Biden sometimes come down chauvinistically on their own sides, regardless of the facts.

You will agree, I hope, that Trump trumps them all. That’s what he has instead of a moral compass: whoever enriches or empowers him is one of the good guys, and whoever criticizes him or stands in his way is a bad guy. As we all know about him, facts do not matter a whit, and he’s too stupid to try to hide what he’s doing. So he does us the favour of showing us what this kind of self-interest looks like at its most naked.

But we all do it, to a greater or lesser degree. We’re a tribal species, and we root for our tribe. It’s one of the ways we learned to survive, prehistorically. I do it too. It bothers me to admit that Trudeau has been disappointing, or that Obama is at heart a capitalist, and more conservative than I would have liked.

It even irked me a little to learn that during his presidency, George W. Bush did at least one truly magnificent thing: he launched the U.S. President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, a governmental initiative to address the global epidemic, which, as of this year, has helped save over 25 million lives, mostly in Africa.

And how about you? Doesn’t it bug you a tiny bit that George W. Bush has helped save over 25 million lives? Wouldn’t you rather just keep shouting, “He’s out, he’s out”? I know I would.


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Somewhere, a Genius Just Got Born

While starting to write this first blog, I realized that if current trends hold, these blogs will inevitably include reports on the deaths of people who matter to me, our community, and/or the world. So to counterbalance the eulogies to come – and in a spirit of optimism and fresh beginnings, as we launch this website – I’ll start with some excellent news: somewhere, one of the world’s greatest geniuses has recently been born. 

Yes, somebody who will make an enormous difference to us all is pooping in a nappy at this very moment. Sorry, can’t tell you who it is, or where – or their gender, culture, ethnicity or socioeconomic background. I don’t know the nature of their great deeds to come. I just know that there is a great savior out there whose chief concern at the moment is to get as much milk as possible out of the nipple in its mouth. 

Mark Twain put this, as he put so many things, better than I: “Among the three or four million cradles now rocking in the land are some which this nation would preserve for ages as sacred things, if we could know which ones they are.” As he spoke, at a banquet in Chicago in November, 1879, some of the cradles rocking in his land contained the diapered little forms of actor Ethel Barrymore, labour leader Joe Hill, comedian Will Rogers, birth-control advocate Margaret Sanger, poet Wallace Stevens, Dr. Bob Smith, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous – and Nancy Langhorne, who, as naturalized Englishwoman Nancy Astor, became the first female MP in the British House of Commons. (She was also a notorious anti-Semite and Nazi sympathizer. Not all the valuable cradles contained nice people.)

In other lands slept months-old infants Thomas Beecham, Wanda Landowska, Ottorino Respighi – good year for musicians, 1879! – Edward Steichen, Leon Trotsky and Emiliano Zapata – and in Germany, watched over by his loving parents Hermann and Pauline Einstein, there slumbered a little squirt they had named Albert. 

In our own land, probably the most preservation-worthy cradles contained (this seems so Canadian) novelist and early Canuck playwright (yay) Mazo de la Roche, and Cluny Macpherson, inventor of the gas mask (also yay).

The great person presently sleeping in a 2023 cradle might become world-renowned, or might spend their life in obscurity despite their noble deeds. They could be one of the Lamed Vav. “Lamed vav” (law-mid vawv) is Hebrew for “36,” and refers to a delightful Jewish tradition that at any moment there are 36 individual people on the planet who are so righteous that their existence prevents God from blowing the whole thing up in frustration with the rest of us. 

In some traditions, the Lamed Vav are all Jews, and in some, they need not be; in any case, they need not be famous: both conditions are statistically unlikely. They might never become as renowned as Albert Einstein, Leon Trotsky or Cluny Macpherson. We’ll never know who they are, and their virtue may not be evident to the rest of us. The guy who cut you off in traffic or the young barista who was rude to you might be one of the Lamed Vav, so treat them accordingly. Also (I love this), they don’t know who they are – the only hint is that if you think you’re one of them, you’re not – so you might be one, so for God’s sake don’t screw this up! 

When I was a boy, attending my first funeral, it occurred to me that when a baby is born, everybody’s happy about its future possibilities, but of course we don’t know what those are. But when an old person dies, we know what they’ve done, what they were like, and how we feel about them. Therefore we can never be as happy at the birth of a new baby as we are sad at the death of a familiar loved one. Therefore, life is essentially tragic. I was a sensitive lad. 

I now disagree with my younger self. Of course it always remains true that we mourn the loss of our loved ones. But I’ve changed my mind regarding how to feel about the potentiality inherent in a squalling little human fried tomato in a hospital or a slum or a mansion or an igloo or a farm or a refugee camp somewhere. That potentiality is infinite.